A cesspool of lies and corruption... or just Family Court?

In⋅fil⋅trate
   /ɪnˈfɪltreɪt, ˈɪnfɪlˌtreɪt/
verb, -trat⋅ed, -trat⋅ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to filter into or through; permeate.
2. to cause to pass in by filtering.
3. to move into (an organization, country, territory, or the like) surreptitiously and gradually, esp. with hostile intent: The troops infiltrated the enemy lines.
4. to pass a small number of (soldiers, spies, or the like) into a territory or organization clandestinely and with hostile or subversive intent: The intelligence agency infiltrated three spies into the neighboring country.
–verb (used without object)

I just got back from speaking, as I do every year, at the Battered Mother’s Custody Conference. It is an emotional kick in the gut to attend. This year was not as heartbreaking as past years though, I must say. I sensed a shift happening. Instead of seeing each story as an isolated incident, the mothers now understand that one story is everyone’s story, they understand that the Family Court system has been infiltrated by the other side. There are dirty judges, Guardian Ad Litems, custody evaluators, and court appointed therapists who do the most hideous of acts that can leave you scratching your head in sheer wonder.

Why are so many child rapists and abusers being granted sole custody of the children they torture? Why are an average of 58,000 children handed over to their rapists while their protective mothers (and some fathers) are held in contempt for trying to protect them? These questions seem absurd, don’t they? But when you have heard thousands of the stories as I have, you begin to see a pattern. This is not the story of some “angry divorcee” seeking revenge on his or her ex for dating younger. This is a systematic infiltration of perpetrators into the Family Court system with the sole purpose of owning and controlling children for their own sexual and financial gain. Yes, you heard me. Go rip the roofs off of every Family Court across America and you will begin to see a pattern of absurdity. The problem is that the court is closed to the public because it is a “family matter.” Oh really? Isn’t the protection of children all of our concern as a nation?

When the Guardian Ad Litems are meant to protect kids but suggest they be given to their abusive fathers instead, when Family Court judges rule that the abusive father is more stable and the mother is too emotional, when the court appointed therapists report that a bleeding anus (hate to be so crude but it’s true) “must have been caused by the child herself”, and when custody evaluators (with no real training) say that a “fractured skull and torn hymen are caused by normal child’s play” and the father’s access to the children is more important than the abuse – you begin to think you are in a movie about the Stepford Wives. You are! Why, you ask? Why?? Because they are making money on child rape and child porn! That’s why. They are trading kids, torturing kids, taking pictures and videos and they are making billions of dollars. Do you think if you were making billions of dollars that you would protect that outlet to money and infiltrate the system that gives you control of the children? It is not rocket science and it is not some crazy conspiracy theory – it is a system analyze. Watch it become uncovered in the next few years. Watch as more Family Court issues are kept out of Criminal Court where they belong. Watch as we Americans are kept further and further away from the inner workings of Family Court. Watch. But there will be a fight.

I’ve seen and heard these stories for years. I have shed the tears, crawled into a ball, wailed and stared at the horizon wondering what in the world can be done. What can be done when the protective mothers (and some fathers) are bled dry by legal bills and given no power to fight the beast? What can be done when people like myself who find out about it dedicate their time and energy to helping people to at least heal and then get hit with death threats? What can be done when the perpetrators’ organizations sue therapists and lawyers who are working to help the children? What can be done when the organizations posing to protect kids are actually facilitating the trafficking of them?

You catch them. You keep up the fight. You infiltrate right back. You protect your children. You become a warrior. You unite with others. You never give up.

I heard a few very inspiring stories this weekend – some I myself told to bring some joy and levity to the conference. One story I heard made me leap up in celebration. One of the little girls who had been wrenched away from her mother when she was four was at the conference. She is now 22 years old. She and her brother were handed over to her abusive father after the court order from the judge. She told us about how she fought back, begged and wailed that she didn’t want to go and that her father hurt them. The Guardian Ad Litem whispered, “I know” in her ear as he ripped her away from her mother to drive her to her father. Now she speaks out about the corruption of Family Court and how children are not being listened to. “If you didn’t listen to me when I was four, maybe you’ll listen to me now that I’m twenty-two.”

She told an amazing story about how her mother never lost faith and continued to research ways to protect her children. She had all of her paperwork in order from every filed petition to the court to every letter to her children. (Ladies, your paperwork is of supreme importance! And God bless you lawyers out there who work on these cases.) The mother was only allowed supervised visits since the father had been awarded full custody. During the visits the children would lift their shirts and show their mother the welts they had on their bodies from the beatings from their father only to have the visitation supervisor tell them that they were not allowed to do that and if they continued to do that they would not even be allowed to hug their mother. So the kids shut up and stopped showing the bruises but got to hug their mother. They would hug her and whisper pleas for her to come get them. They let their mother know that their father left them alone most of the time and they told her which days.

The mother made a plan. Then she got her kids and she fled the country. She sought and won asylum in Holland. They have lived there for 14 years now. The FBI found them 2 years ago and the mother was ordered back to the United States and forced to admit that she was in contempt of the court. This is what she said – “I admit to having contempt for the court that did not protect my children.” I love that woman.

Kidnapping is a crime and I am not advocating that the mothers do their research, get their paperwork in order, and do that. What I am saying is that you must know that you are dealing with an extremely corrupt system. PAS = Perpetrators Aligning Strategically

If the mothers run with their kids, since kidnapping is a crime, they will be tracked down by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. I know the National Center is supposed to be there to protect kids but when they see “kidnap” that’s all they see and then they lead the perps right to the children who are afraid of them. Kidnapping is a crime and so is murder.

The corruption runs deep and is so sickening that I have spoken about it for years – but I’m speaking to the choir. There are always perpetrators sent in to see what we say at these conferences. There are perps that read this newsletter too and come to hear me speak. I take it as a compliment – obviously I must be hitting a nerve.

"Whoso shall offend one of these little ones... it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." - the Bible, Matthew Chapter 18

May you rapists crash and die as you drive your cars off cliffs.

Believe me I know all about the women who beat their husbands too and the women sociopaths who harass and abuse men. I’m not talking about those cases. I’m talking about the cesspool that is called the Family Court system.

To those in the system who are feeling so overwhelmed, alone, lost and frustrated – please let the story of the mother who got her kids to safety in Holland be a comfort and an inspiration. Another woman did the same in New Zealand btw. The charges were eventually dropped against the mother and her children are happy and healthy. Instead of breaking the law – do your research and get your paperwork in order and fight the system. We are not too far from the days when the gavel hit and we women were burned at the stake for nonsensical reasons. Women need to continue to bond and protect their children, and the good men need to keep coming forward and speaking out about this in the face of these non-human serpents who are getting rich by torturing children.

May all of you who are in the midst of the chaos have your pathways lit brightly, your pockets lined with money and food in your bellies as you work to protect kids. Thank you. Please order Wendy Murphy’s book – And Justice For Some to understand more about the system of dirty lawyers and judges.

Finding Butch

Inspired by Finding Angela Shelton, Ron Tebo is now Finding Butch!

Ron Tebo and his younger sister are survivors of sexual abuse (he was 6 and she was 4) and they have created Finding Butch so other survivors have a positive place to speak out and share their story.

There is Justice Somewhere in the World...

**THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME. PLEASE USE DISCRETION AND SAFETY PLANS WHEN READING THIS*****

I've always wanted to go to South Africa.....


The Grahamstown High Court sentenced a man who raped a seven-year-old girl last year to life in prison on Friday.

Judge Bonisile Sandi told Nonkwenke Sothuko 55, of Klipfontein farm, Jamestown, that he could find no substantial or compelling circumstances that would allow him to deviate from the prescribed life sentence.

"A life sentence would be both a just sentence and an appropriate one in this matter," said Sandi.
Sothuko had earlier pleaded guilty raping the girl on a neighbouring farm on July 12, 2007.

In his plea explanation he claimed he "was overcome by his sexual urges, grabbed the girl, threw her onto the ground next to a fowl run and raped her.

"I am extremely remorseful for my actions and I don't know what came over me. I have never before transgressed the law," he said.

But Sandi said the case had extremely aggravating features.

"She was only seven years old and the accused was known to her as 'Oupa' and she trusted him. Her injuries were serious and the evidence of the clinical psychologist is the girl has been severely damaged by the rape incident.

"State advocate Thembela Jikela has said he (the accused) had no option but to plead guilty, because members of the community saw him on top of the girl and pulled him off her."

Isi-Xhosa-speaking clinical psychologist Karen Andrews earlier told the court the girl "had developed an overwhelming fear of all men and ran away in terror whenever one approached her".

"The girl now suffers from enuresis (bedwetting) and has been further confused by the beating she was given by a woman after she had been raped.

"She displays symptoms of hyperarousal, intrusion and constriction (powerlessness), as a result of the psychological and emotional trauma of being raped.

"These are highly consistent with symptoms typically found in children who are traumatised as a consequence of sexual assault. [S]he is likely to experience the long-term symptoms of constriction which will have a pervasive and negative life-changing impact on her," said Andrews.

Sothuko's Legal Aid Board-appointed lawyer Alan de Jager said he would appeal the sentence on the grounds that it was "harsh and unjust" and the accused could be rehabilitated. - Sapa

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Think You've Had a Bad Day?

I've considered myself to have had a more challenging....well, lets just say rough start to the new year. Now don't worry---The Joy Campaign has been both a great kick in the pants, and a wonderful medicine for trying times. For that I am truly thankful. But the "message" I received this morning was unexpected jolt to reality.

I was pushing my shopping cart down the aisle at the Grocery Market down the street from my home. Most have probably been in the situation I was in themselves at one point. Where you aere making calculations in your head if you can afford everything in your basket, and what you can convince yourself you don't really want or need so you can put it back.

Then on the opposite end of the aisle from me, I saw her. A woman and her young daughter, probably about nine years old. Maybe because I am wired as a human, and that's what we do---or for some other more spiritual reason, I glanced at the woman's face. A fresh and painful looking bruise over her left eye.

Now, I believe it's the victim-mentality that lives in nearly all of us (and if it isn't now, it used to!) that has this dialouge with the logic in your head:

"Well, that doesn't mean she was beat up! She could have been smacked in the face by a door, or maybe has been in an automobile accident."

It was when I eavesdropped on the chatter of the child to her mother, that "its not what it looks like" idea was evicted.

"...When we get away from [Joe] and get our new apartment.."

Saying here that my heart sank just sounds poetic. I wish there was some way I could prove in my writing that my heart truly sank. Of course I fought the natural rescuer tendency in myself to want to approach her and say,

"Ma'am do you need help? Are you okay?

As Angela has shared, by and large we can't "rescue" people. Often it gets messy and people end up feeling violated, even though they so desperately wanted out of the desperate situation they were in in the first place. So, for natural "helpers" and "healers" like myself, it's a discipline in impulse control.

But we can allow our hearts to be broken for the pain of others. For many of us, this isn't far away from the same pain we felt at one point. We can be voices and speak for those that aren't strong enough yet to break their silence.

And when we think we are having a bad day, or "how will I ever get out of this mess?" Realize as I did, that in my case no one has beaten me today, yesterday or this month. I wasn't raped last night in my own bed. I don't have to walk around in public with the badge of others violence against me on my face. Almost more of an insult to my personhood that the first thing people will see of me is "victim".

Countless numbers of men and women woke up this morning not being able to claim that. It is sad that it seems to be a privilege to be a human being and not be victimized or abused. But sometimes that knowledge is the start that is needed to dig out of the pit of despair and that things will never change.

So, I know the next time I get caught in the negativity of a bad day, I am going to remember that anonymous woman and her child in the grocery store.

Break the Silence. Live Joyfully, Love Yourself, Love Others.

From PROTECT

Young Alicia Kozakeiwicz faced Congress last month and bravely told them about her rescue from the basement of a sadistic child predator.

Alicia knew she was saved when she looked up and "saw the three most beautiful letters in the world: F-B-I" on the jackets of the men who unchained her and brought her back home. Yesterday, you helped the FBI and other child rescue teams get much closer to rescuing thousands of children just like Alicia. The cavalry is coming. We can now hear the rumbling of a stampede off in the distance ... closing in on the hundreds of thousands of child predators at large in this country.
(Hear Alicia and others speak: http://www.protect.org/childPornography/index.html)

U.S. House of Representatives heard your demands and passed the PROTECT our Children Act of 2007. A voice vote was cast Tuesday evening. Then our dedicated house sponsor, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, demanded a recorded vote ... sending the message to her peers in Congress that she meant to hold each and every one of them accountable for protecting children.
Read about the vote: http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gygl3oNST-LkmAThjrHdzrM711tgD8STP5F80

For months PROTECT has been battling opposition to this landmark legislation.

And we won: 415 to 2!

In Washington and in the media you hear a lot about special interests. You hear about how they corrupt the process and you hear politicians talk about how they refuse to allow them to influence their votes.

Well, every member of PROTECT has a special interest: children. We are moms and dads, bikers, teachers, sisters, police officers and other caring people. We are fighting not to garner financial gain for ourselves, not for tobacco or oil or a defense contract ... but for the sacred cause of child protection. And Congress is listening.

Make no mistake, this battle has just begun. We have momentum, but next our fight moves to the Senate. Once we win there, we will again fight to make Congress fully-fund the PROTECT Our Children Act. We need all of you more now than ever.

Visit PROTECT's webpage, www.protect.org. and become a member. Tell the children who languish in torturous situations like Alicia's, "Don't give up. The cavalry is coming, and they're going to be here soon."

from-THE STAFF AND VOLUNTEERS AT PROTECT

Reporting and Justice

These are the QUESTIONS I hear most often and this is the reason I wanted The Survivor Manual. I have tried to keep the questions related to each other in close proximity.

For my contributors, please feel free to address any of these questions and put Q and A in the label at the bottom.

As we collect answers, we will provide the blog entry link by the questions to make it easier to search! This is a work in progress and will continue to move forward. Keep coming back!

How is the best way to report my abuse?

What if I don't remember it?

What if it will ruin my family?

What if the cops don't believe me?

How do I report really? I mean do I just walk into the police station?

I was raped and there was a SANE nurse brought in. She was great but then the cop came and she was so rude to me. It was a woman too! It was horrible. Was there anything I could have done? Should I have asked for a new cop? Did I have to talk to her?

What if I was drunk when I was raped?

What if my offender is a cop?

Should I sue?

I can’t decide whether to sue my stepfather for the abuse he inflicted. I have enormous psychotherapy bills and I think he should pay for it. I’m afraid of the system and what it will do to me. What do you recommend? How would I begin to find an attorney?

What do you do about organized perps? What about when they are all friends and protect each other? How do you get out of that?