Watch the new version of Searching for Angela Shelton for FREE!

You can now watch the new version of Searching for Angela Shelton and embed it in your own website or blog!

http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/searching_for_angela_shelton/

The Angela Shelton Foundation

The Angela Shelton Foundation was given to me for my birthday 5 years ago by a man who loved me dearly and wanted to see my name and work live on past my death. After all my work with non profits and witnessing the chaos that comes with them, I let the foundation sit until it became clear what it should work on to fulfill my mission of inspiring and empowering all survivors to heal and lead joyful lives. I didn't want to reinvent the wheel or create more unnecessary paperwork. Now that I am out of the darkness of facing, healing, and dealing with a painful past and moving beyond pain, beyond forgiveness and boldly into a joyful productive life - things have become very clear and all the right people seem to show up at the most perfect moment too!

Now the Angela Shelton Foundation is taking over The Survivor Manual! The board members have discussed it and agreed that expanding my brain child of sharing all information about healing through the manual is imperative. So the Manual will be expanding soon to include many more valuable avenues to healing and joy.

The other major thing that helped me the most has been my magical house on the hill. It has been a sanctuary for me during the most difficult and the most joyous of times. Many people have come here to have catharsis, to purge, to heal and to rejoice. As I move forward in my life with my new projects and literally move up the hill, I am working on donating my house to the foundation so it can continue to be an artist-in-residence and healing center. That is awesome!

The Survivor Manual is now run by the Angela Shelton Foundation. You can write off your donations! The Survivor Manual is FREE but if you found any of the information, videos, or resources helpful please help this project continue by sending your support:

Claiming Your Crown

I just went through the excruciating and exhilarating experience of becoming a Queen. For those who have followed my journey of recovery and healing, you have seen and heard me about the process of moving from self-hatred to self-love. I talk about the healing process at length in Finding Angela Shelton (that is required reading in more schools now!). But much like the peeling of an onion, there are always layers to move through when you continue to get better, stronger, and more resilient. I have been entrenched in the trauma world for over 7 years now and have heard thousands of stories of abuse and violence and watched many transformations from victim to warrior occur. By warrior I do not mean fighting for vengeance but rather being the whole human who stands for love, courage, and strength. I now know many warriors and am blessed to see more people shifting their lives into wholeness instead of falling back into victim-hood with repeated patterns.

I just went through another birthing process myself where I coveted and claimed my crown as Queen! Coming from someone who was a self-hater, that is one amazing transition! I have talked a lot about the process of changing the pathways in your brain from the negative thoughts to positive thoughts like replacing "I am worthless and stupid" with "I am a Goddess Warrior." It may sound far too simple and childish to simply catch and switch your thoughts but it works. I went from a self-mutilator to a Goddess and it was all due to changing my thought patterns.

At one of my springtime speaking engagements a woman told me that she thought that I was Queen and not just a Goddess. On stage I am always encouraging audiences to find new and powerful words to use to replace negative thought patterns. I had not thought about the term Queen for myself before though. So over the summer I processed that word and began to use it and guess what - I am a Queen. I claimed my crown. I moved past my fear of moving to new levels of courage and strength and I biked for 25 miles a day, learned to spin fire, became a climber, took up guitar, and produced an online cooking show to boot! At 35 years old I am in better shape than I have ever been in my life, I look and feel great, and those old negative self-hatred thoughts are so far away that they do not fit anywhere in my life now. The negative thoughts are unrecognizable just like the positive ones used to be when I was stuck in the old patterns.

For those of you who still have the bits of self-hatred lingering, I promise you that when you work on your thought patterns that it really does change your life. I never thought I would transform into the person I am today when I began this journey of Searching for and Finding Angela Shelton - but I am a living example that it works.

This fall I will be going into much more detail about Removing the Sword of Trauma and using it with Love. I'm excited to see many of you again and to watch more Kings and Queens emerge like Joe in the picture!


Contact events@angelashelton.com to book me in your area.

Article from Wendy Murphy

Wendy just sent this to me and I had to share.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT JIM

I'm sure it's nothing, but after Senator Jim Marzilli and Representative Jim Fagan made news for - what should I call it -- sadistic verbal lunacy -- (OK Marzilli got physical, too -- but stick with me here), I started looking at other Bay State "Jims" to see whether there isn't something about the name.

Turns out there might be a good reason to name the next bundle of joy Harry or Luke.

James "Jim" Fagan made international headlines after threatening to "ruin" child victims of sex abuse who testify against their abusers. He promised to attack even six year-olds with such ferocity, they wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep or have relationships for the rest of their lives.

James "Jim" Marzilli is under indictment for sexual assault and lewd behavior involving four women, and is accused of allegedly committing even more serious sex crimes against several other women.

Around the time Fagan and Marzilli were getting in trouble, a guy named James "Jim" Keown was convicted of murdering his wife by poisoning her with anti-freeze.

Days earlier, James "Jim" Brescia was convicted of murder for hiring a hit man to knock off his estranged wife's boyfriend.

James "Whitey" Bulger had a run of bad behavior that allegedly led to the murder of 17 people, all while working as an informant for the feds.

Pedophile priest James "Jim" Porter sexually abused over 200 children and was convicted of molesting 29 victims.

And let's not forget Orenthal "James" Simpson -- not from Massachusetts but worth mentioning not only because of his brutality and perverse ability to keep smiling as if he’s done nothing wrong, but also because he singlehandedly destroyed my ability to drink Orange Juice.

Of course, the number of men named Jim or James who've done great things for Massachusetts is certainly greater than the number of jerks, rapists and murderers who bring shame to the name.

For instance, we can lay claim to beloved musician and songwriter, James Taylor.

Then there's the famous painter James Whistler.

And renowned poet James Lowell.

And let's not forget Boston Mayor and Massachusetts Governor, James Michael Curley. (I know, I know -- he belongs on both lists).

My favorite ex-boss is named Jim and I have two dozen or more colleagues, relatives and friends named James or JIm who are terrific guys.

But after recent events involving the "bad Jims" in this state - I have to believe that a lot of new parents will find it difficult to name their new baby boy "James" for the same reason that I found it impossible to name my daughters "Britney" or my sons "Albert" (Desalvo) or "Charles" (Manson and Stuart).

Names are only labels, but we all know the way meeting someone new can evoke a feeling of either warmth or disgust when we hear that they have the name of someone we once knew, or someone famous.

I like the name Chuckie even though my kids think the name is scary. They saw a movie about a weird-looking doll of the same name that ran around killing people. I missed that film so the only feeling I get is warm and fuzzy because Chuckie was the name of my fourth-grade boyfriend. (assuming it counts as a boyfriend that we rode bikes together).

And come on – who doesn’t recoil when they meet a woman named “Lizzie” or a child named “Damien”?

And remember how we blushed when being introduced to someone named Monica during Bill Clinton’s impeachment proceedings?

Sure, a name is only a word – but it’s a word with great staying power – especially when it’s associated with very bad behavior.

So all apologies to the "good Jims" out there, but there's something strangely pleasant about the fact that two creeps named "James" were convicted of murder right after two members of the Massachusetts legislature with the same moniker went up in flames for their own vile conduct.

Call me superficial but I think it's fabulous - and a bit of poetic justice - that several stories of similarly-named horrible men in Massachusetts all occurred at the same time. As mnemonic devices go, it greatly increases the chance that when people hear about a murderer or rapist named James, they will become nauseous while also recalling images of Jim Fagan and Jim Marzilli.

How's that old song go? Thanks For the Memories...

Wendy J. Murphy
(copyright 2008)

Think You've Had a Bad Day?

I've considered myself to have had a more challenging....well, lets just say rough start to the new year. Now don't worry---The Joy Campaign has been both a great kick in the pants, and a wonderful medicine for trying times. For that I am truly thankful. But the "message" I received this morning was unexpected jolt to reality.

I was pushing my shopping cart down the aisle at the Grocery Market down the street from my home. Most have probably been in the situation I was in themselves at one point. Where you aere making calculations in your head if you can afford everything in your basket, and what you can convince yourself you don't really want or need so you can put it back.

Then on the opposite end of the aisle from me, I saw her. A woman and her young daughter, probably about nine years old. Maybe because I am wired as a human, and that's what we do---or for some other more spiritual reason, I glanced at the woman's face. A fresh and painful looking bruise over her left eye.

Now, I believe it's the victim-mentality that lives in nearly all of us (and if it isn't now, it used to!) that has this dialouge with the logic in your head:

"Well, that doesn't mean she was beat up! She could have been smacked in the face by a door, or maybe has been in an automobile accident."

It was when I eavesdropped on the chatter of the child to her mother, that "its not what it looks like" idea was evicted.

"...When we get away from [Joe] and get our new apartment.."

Saying here that my heart sank just sounds poetic. I wish there was some way I could prove in my writing that my heart truly sank. Of course I fought the natural rescuer tendency in myself to want to approach her and say,

"Ma'am do you need help? Are you okay?

As Angela has shared, by and large we can't "rescue" people. Often it gets messy and people end up feeling violated, even though they so desperately wanted out of the desperate situation they were in in the first place. So, for natural "helpers" and "healers" like myself, it's a discipline in impulse control.

But we can allow our hearts to be broken for the pain of others. For many of us, this isn't far away from the same pain we felt at one point. We can be voices and speak for those that aren't strong enough yet to break their silence.

And when we think we are having a bad day, or "how will I ever get out of this mess?" Realize as I did, that in my case no one has beaten me today, yesterday or this month. I wasn't raped last night in my own bed. I don't have to walk around in public with the badge of others violence against me on my face. Almost more of an insult to my personhood that the first thing people will see of me is "victim".

Countless numbers of men and women woke up this morning not being able to claim that. It is sad that it seems to be a privilege to be a human being and not be victimized or abused. But sometimes that knowledge is the start that is needed to dig out of the pit of despair and that things will never change.

So, I know the next time I get caught in the negativity of a bad day, I am going to remember that anonymous woman and her child in the grocery store.

Break the Silence. Live Joyfully, Love Yourself, Love Others.

Angela Shelton on Maddness Radio!

The latest episode of Madness Radio interviews Angela Shelton, an

Listen to this episode:
http://freedom-center.org/madness-radio-12-26-07-angela-shelton

download episode directly:
http://freedom-center.org/audio/download/350/MadnessRadio-2007-12-27SexualAbuseSearchingForAngelaShelton.mp3

For more info:

www.madnessradio.net

Madness Radio is produced weekly at Valley Free Radio in Northampton MA
by the Freedom Center and Icarus Project, peer-run mental health
communities. Join the growing numbers of stations nation-wide
broadcasting this vital and unique voice!

Remembering Yourself During the Holidays

We spend so much time during this season thinking of the wants and needs of others. We try to balance our obligations and our desires. This year, I have decided to do two things for myself.

1. I am sending myself a Christmas card! I am reminding myself that I am a lovable and valued person! (it's above... click to enlarge)

2. I am gifting to myself! Lots of people are using the paper and plastic this week to purchase, purchase, purchase! Yet, I am going to make something for myself. I think that oftentimes we forget to take care of ourselves, especially this time of year. So... I am creating coupons for myself to put in my stocking that I can "cash-in" if I feel overwhelmed or just REALLY want to enjoy my day off (-ha!) or need to take one. I am writing coupons for little things like a hot bath, an hour of meditation, a dinner for one, ice cream, a phone call to a friend I have neglected to keep in touch with, a cup of tea, or taking the time to pre-order Angela's new book (click to order).

3. Ok! So while writing this, I thought of a third thing. I am going to take my calendar and mark one day during each month in it that is going to be MINE to do what I want despite the desires of others... I think I just picked my New Year's Resolution!

Breaking the Cycle

The most important book any survivor could ever read (it is also a work book) is Sandy Riggin´s book, Breaking the Cycle. Sandy´s web page is www.sandyriggin.com

Reading Sandy´s book helped me come to terms with the fact that I am really just a text book example of someone who was abused physically, emotionally and sexually as a child. And, furthermore, that there is nothing wrong with me, I am not crazy, stupid nor have I lost my mind. What a huge relief!! Sandy also puts forward some very important but simple exercises in her book that build on each other, slowly take you through what we need to go through to heal. I highly recommend it. You can use it on your own or take it to your therapist and ask them to help you work with it.

You can listen to an interview with Sandy here http://ethicalife.com/showsegment.asp?id=57

Learn how to prevent child sexual abuse - Become a Stewards of Children facilitator

Bring the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children sexual abuse prevention program to your community---great for staff, volunteers, and parents! Facilitator Training January 30, 2008, in San Diego, CA. For more information and registration please go to the Darkness to Light website: www.d2l.org and click on "Storefront" and "Stewards Authorized Facilitator Workshop". Contact Julie Schneider at jschneider@d2l.org or 843-965-5444 with any questions.

I’m afraid a little girl I know is being molested. I have no idea what to do. I have no proof, but I can see something in her eyes. Do I try to ......

I recommend that you go to the d2l.org - Darkness to Light- web site and download the 7 Steps to protecting our children, guiding responsible adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. This guide will tell you how to talk to adults about suspicion of abuse and where to go for help for reporting.

I encourage you to follow through on your "gut" feeling or intuition about this little girl. It is adults responsibility to protect all kids. Perhaps you are the only one that has this insight about this little girl, perhaps the only one that could possibly stand up for her.

If you would like more encouragement or confidence around reporting then you can take the Stewards of Children training online at the d2l.org web site. The Darkness to Light Stewards of Children is a prevention training program that educates adults to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse, and motivates them to courageous action. You can also see there if there are trainings being offered in your town.

I have facilitated this training for almost 3 years now. It is a really powerful tool to educate adults about the issue of CSA and prevention. I highly recommend it!

Thank you for noticing this little girl!

Books

If you are looking for a wonderful book on parenting.
GROWING UP AGAIN: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children By Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson. I first learned about this book and the work of Jean Illsley Clarke in Iceland a few years ago. I read it and felt so greatful ! As a survivor of childhood abuse, I found this an incredible tool to help me become a better parent and to provide myself the things that were not provided for me as a child. Having 3 kids today, I am faced with many feelings of not knowing how to deal or face all kinds of situations that parents are confronted with. This book gave me much hope and inspiration. It is not too late for me to parent my older kids or is it too late to parent myself. If you are a parent you must read this book, if you are a survivor of any type of abuse, you must read this book. Parenting my kids better than the way I was parented and healing myself is breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships in my family today and for generations to come.

Binding Project

Hey All! Angela, great blog! I am writing with a fabulous international art empowerment campaign called the Binding Project to shatter the silence of sexual violence launched by PAVE: Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment.
Please visit:
www.BindingProject.com
www.pavingtheway.net
thanks, angela rose
www.angelarose.info

The Survivor Manual

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A video note about The Survivor Manual and why it began. (also free shipping on the movie too)

http://store.searchingforangelasheltonstore.com/0019.html

Use the coupon code "survivor" for free shipping for a limited time.

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My Social Worker!

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Wow! A new contributor on The Survivor Manual is my social worker when I was 8!

http://survivormanual.blogspot.com/

This is her website:

http://www.healingwholeself.net/

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How can I help my survivor partner the best?

The best thing you can do for your partner is to take care of yourself. This holds true throughout the entire healing process. Often when I tell people this they say, “But I want to do something?” The fact of the matter is you cannot fix your partner. You are not helping them by trying to do everything for them or by trying to remove the triggers they may encounter in any given day. Remember the quickest way to get better is to go through the pain. By removing painful things from their path you are deterring their healing.

This does not mean that you have to sit on the sidelines and watch as the person you love walks through dark times. Here are some things that you can do to help:

· Educate yourself about rape and child sexual abuse. The more you know the better you will be able to support your partner. There are different stages of healing survivors face. It isn’t uncommon for survivors to get through one stage just to go back into again later. If you have information about what is happening within your home you will be better equipped to deal with it. A good jumping off point is the book Allies in Healing by Laura Davis. It has a wealth of information that you can refer back to at any given time.

· Communication is an important part of supporting a survivor. It is important that you talk to your partner and find out what they need from you. At this time you may want to come up with a plan for what to do when they are in crisis. Their needs will change from time to time. Keeping the lines of communication open will allow you to be a part of their healing process. However, give yourself a break if you are not able to meet their needs all the time. Life happens and learning to roll with the punches will allow you and your partner to create a better partnership.

· It is imperative you listen while communicating. You contribute to survivors’ fears by giving advice or telling a survivor that they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Survivors need to be heard. Their voices have been silenced. They are finding those voices through healing. You validate their feelings and allow them to be heard simply by listening. Often, that is all they need.

· Equally as important is that you also state your own needs. Survivors often need to feel in control of their surroundings. You can avoid confusion later giving your partner a clear understanding of what is expected of them. This also allows your partner to be responsible for themselves which builds self-confidence.

· You are not the only one who feels like your life has turned upside down. It gets better. Time and patience are the keys to your sanity. Try not to take things that your partner is doing or saying personally. More often than not you aren't why they are angry, sad, confused or embarrassed. Give them a little space and forgiveness and you will soon find out what was really going on.

· Get involved. This will help you to feel proactive. The fact is there is an epidemic among us and the only way to see change is to stand together and fight.

A note about who I am: My name is Jenn. I am a survivor and a partner of a survivor. As my partner is walking through her journey I have learned things that may help other partners along their own way. When we first started down this road I wanted desperately to not feel so alone. It is my hope to share with other partners so that no one ever has to feel as if their pain is unique again. It is important to me to be a part of breaking the silence that surrounds abuse of all kinds. You can see me continue the fight at: www.myspace.com/partnersofsurvivors

Meghan

Hi y'all! I'm Meghan, a survivor of multiple victimization. I feel out of my league sometimes with this group of contributors - not just because I'm a youngin' but because I just don't have the resume these other guys and gals do yet.

I am student activist from Kentucky, and I am Angela Shelton's new intern, supposedly starting work in the spring, but really 6 weeks ago. I have worked with many national non-profits on projects and initiatives. My favorite is Security On Campus, Inc. This organization changed my life when they helped me stand up for myself when I felt that I had lost everything. They showed me that even being screwed by the system didn't mean that I had to stop. I not only began to heal, but I began to work for change. I saw the movie Searching for Angela Shelton in fall of 2006, just two months after I was raped. This also changed my life. I began following Angela's blogs and eventually wrote a research paper and did an hour presentation about how the actions of one woman were changing the world. That was a year ago this month.

Now, I speak out about violence. I speak about the rights of victims and finding a path to healing. I share my story publicly, and from this I have met literally dozens and dozens of survivors - on my campus and across the state. I have decided that I want to do for others what SOC and Angela did for my life, and now Angela is giving me the opportunity to do so. I am starting a project called "Discovering Me." This project, which you will definitely hear more about, deals with the transformation victims go through when they realize "I'm not the only one," the impact Angela Shelton (the person and the idea) has had on me and thousands of others, and my own journey in deciding to survive, choosing to question, stepping into the light, and finding my own voice. That's really broad, but like I said you will hear more about it later.

You will also hear lots more form me. I post news stories, resources, and anything else I can find. Thank you, contributors, for placing me in your ranks! And thank you, Angela, for this incredible opportunity!!!

Contributing to The Survivor Manual

The Survivor Manual is FREE. To Support The Survivor Manual, you can subscribe and make recurring payments, send in any amount once, send your stories, or simply spread the word and link to us.

If you would like to support this endeavor please contribute! Help is greatly appreciated. The Survivor Manual is not a non-profit and donations are not a tax write-off. This is an Angela Shelton project taken on by my production company and will continue to provide video content that will get better and better! We donate 10% of whatever money comes in to other non-profits. That way we have the freedom to discuss broad subjects and are not silenced by any "rules and regulations." I have heard far too many times how my non-profit and advocate friends are not allowed to mention certain things for fear of losing their jobs or their funding and the goal of The Survivor Manual has always been to provide answers. (I want more answers too and am extremely grateful to the contributors! I don't have all the answers.)

If you have found any of these videos, resources or posts helpful, please send a dollar! Thank you for helping us continue this great work. This is an ongoing process and will continually progress forward and be filled with information from my dear friends as well. To help me continue, contribute dollars and your stories.

For those who want to send in your stories, there is something powerful about writing down your story on paper. It is a part of the healing process. Talk to your therapist about writing it down, depending on where you are in the process.

Send in your story and a dollar (you don't have to send in a dollar - the dollars are more to make a point and to send a message). If you are not ready to write it all down, you can simply write "survivor" on a slip of paper, with the city the abuse happened and what the abuse was. Fold in a dollar if you want and send it off. We will not be able to return any of the stories so you are sending it off for good. Keep a copy of your lovely handwritten letters.

If you are the loved one of a survivor write what happened to them and what your relationship is or was. You can even send a dollar for every person you ever knew who was traumatized. That would certainly make a statement.

Send them to:
Angela Shelton, P.O. Box 39702, Los Angeles, CA 90039-9702
(email your stories to comments@angelashelton.com and let me know if you would like me to share them or not) I will begin to read from the "story box" as more come in.

Please send in a dollar or dollars here:

Thank you for deciding to send recurring payments:

a dollar a day:

a dollar a week:

or a dollar once a month:

This is not necessary - The Survivor Manual is FREE if you cannot afford a dollar.
The contributors (including myself) - do this out of love.

Where does the money go?
*Paying technical costs like server bills
* Production Costs of filming, editing, and storing video content
*Healers and Therapists to find more healing techniques
*Sending products to those who can't afford it
*Eating

Get 50% off the documentary "Searching for Angela Shelton" by using the coupon code "onedollar" on the shopping cart.

If you would like to be a contributor on The Survivor Manual and I know you personally, email me and tell me! You have my personal email if you know me.

Dragonslippers!

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This is one of my favorite books ever - http://www.dragonslippers.com/home.html

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My Brother is on here!

I am excited to announce that my brother (Steve from the movie) is a contributor now. For any of you who have seen us speak together - it is a real treat. Steve is a gem. He is jinxkitty1 That's the name of his cat!

If you haven't seen Searching for Angela Shelton - you should! My favorite part of the movie is the part with Steve. You can get a DVD here until they are sold out. Some people are buying the VHS copies and donating them to their local libraries which I think is just lovely! Thank you and thank you to my brother for contributing. There are so many questions! In fact, there are lists of them there to the upper left!

Working with others

Hello, and thanks for reading my contribution to this blog. When Angela first asked me to contribute, I immediately said "Yes, of course, I'd love too", and then I wondered, what would be important from my perspective? First, I think it's important for you to know about Bikers Against Child Abuse - BACA. If you aren't familiar with us, go to www.bacausa.com for our mission statement, videos, and general information. Also, I would like to say that everything I write in this blog is my opinion, based on my experience, and does not necessarily represent any "official" BACA position.

I found out about BACA from Angela Shelton, and got involved in September of '06. I founded, and am President of the L.A. chapter. I love BACA because I get to ride my motorcycle ('91 Harley FXR) and help kids. What we do is hands on - we become part of these kids lives, and they become part of us. We are a family. We are all volunteers, and BACA is a 501c3 non- profit. People often ask me why I do this, and why am I willing to put so much of myself into BACA? I do this because I am inspired. I believe in being of service to others. We make a real difference in the lives of abused children. When these children join our family, they become less afraid of the world around them. They can sleep at night. They find the courage within themselves to grow from victims of abuse into empowered survivors. I feel honored, privileged, and humbled by the opportunity to participate in these kids lives.

The cycle of abuse is something that all of us, together, have the power to change. I believe helping these kids will contribute to breaking that cycle. I also believe that survivors can use their experience to empower others, and that makes everyone involved stronger. With that in mind, I encourage everyone involved to work together in this fight against abuse, and to help each other on the road to recovery, healing, and empowerment. Victims of abuse can, and do, grow into very strong survivors.

But what if you are in the middle of it right now? What do you do? Where do you go? What happens now? If you believe your life or the lives of your children are in danger, make an exit plan, and get out. Right now. Call someone you trust and tell them what's happening. Ask them to help you find resources in your community - medical care, law enforcement, shelters, therapy. Would you help someone close to you if they were in your situation? Of course you would. Reach out. Ask for help. If you're afraid, all you need is enough courage to take the first step. Make the first call for help. It's tough, but you can do it. Do it now.