Healing Sex Gives Survivors the Confidence to Open Up

A great deal of survivors tend to have a difficult time with closeness with another person, finding themselves having to teach themselves boundaries and when any of us run into a little trouble and need help, there are shelves full of psychological insight, self help books, audio books, films and so on at our disposal. Healing Sex is a DVD that at first glance, you would think is just like the rest of the “self help” market, but once you watch it, it has the potential to really change your life and the way you look at intimacy.

Staci Haines has vast experience as a workshop leader and somatic practitioner and presents hands on exercises for you to practice either alone or with your partner for battling a lot of hurdles that survivors deal with when it comes to intimacy, such as disassociating during sex which I, as well as a great deal of survivors I speak with now have had problems with in our adult lives. Haines welcomes you into her workshops and one-on-one sessions and works with people to help them set boundaries in relationships and intimacy and teaches them how to express their desires, likes and dislikes. She gives us so much knowledge and draws upon her extensive experience to present educational and often triggering material in a comfortable and accessible way that will make you actually want to open up to your partner, now that you know how.

This DVD did wonders for me. I absolutely loved the way in which the material was presented and I especially loved that Haines doesn’t think, act or teach with the sense of false hope that she is a miracle worker. Healing from any kind of trauma takes a long time and a great deal of dedicated, hard work and the effects of childhood sexual assault have a tendency to follow survivors throughout their entire lives. This film shows you realistic ways to cope with your past and your present in terms of intimacy and overall relationships.

Stop Abusing Yourself and Dance!

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Fighting for Jessica

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I thought many of you may like to see this. This is a story I know well and an example of how you can move on, fight, and take back your Light. Check out her bat!

Fight for Jessica.

"My survivor partner suffers from nightmares. I feel helpless. What can I do to help?"

Nightmares by definition are scary. It is much worse if you are confronting painful things from your past within your dreams. Nightmares are equally as frightening if you are a partner of a survivor watching your loved one suffer. I remember one sleepless night that I ended up in tears because I couldn't wake my partner from what seemed to be an awful nightmare. I felt helpless.

Almost all survivors will have nightmares while healing. In fact, the nightmares will probably go away and come back many times. Typically, they will become the most extreme when they are dealing with self-blame or any sort of inner child work. There are some things that you can do to help or that you can mention to your partner so they can help themselves.

• Encourage your partner to go to bed when they are sleepy. Laying awake for hours before sleeping will not be relaxing especially if they stay up alone.
• Leaving a light on in the bedroom will help remind them where they are when they wake up.
• Avoid bulky bedding or anything that causes static electricity.
• Drinking warm milk or cocoa before bed is relaxing. Of course, avoiding caffeine is helpful.
• Keeping the house cooler reduces how active the brain is during sleeping. ( This was the most helpful thing that I have ever been able to contribute)
• Soothing music helps if it is played at a low volume. Be careful not to leave a radio station on that eventually switches to news programs. This can be a trigger for some survivors. White noise such as a fan is also an option.
• Sleeping with a stuffed animal helps a lot of survivors. This goes back to comforting the inner child. If your partner is thinking of getting a stuffed animal don't laugh or judge them. Often this can be just the thing that turns sleepless nights full of worry into a full nights rest.

Some survivors are able to talk about what they dreamt after they are awake. If your partner shares this with you...just listen. Talking about them takes away their power. You ARE helping just by listening.

PARTNERS OF SURIVORS