Finding Butch

http://findingbutch.com/

This is about survival and it is not about revenge. Telling my story allows me to vent and it is very therapeutic. I needed to step up to the plate and tell my story so I can protect others from the same experience. I don’t want sympathy; however, I just want to tell my story to a large audience and maybe (just maybe), I can protect one child from the sexual abuse that I suffered.

Ron Tebo

A cesspool of lies and corruption... or just Family Court?

In⋅fil⋅trate
   /ɪnˈfɪltreɪt, ˈɪnfɪlˌtreɪt/
verb, -trat⋅ed, -trat⋅ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to filter into or through; permeate.
2. to cause to pass in by filtering.
3. to move into (an organization, country, territory, or the like) surreptitiously and gradually, esp. with hostile intent: The troops infiltrated the enemy lines.
4. to pass a small number of (soldiers, spies, or the like) into a territory or organization clandestinely and with hostile or subversive intent: The intelligence agency infiltrated three spies into the neighboring country.
–verb (used without object)

I just got back from speaking, as I do every year, at the Battered Mother’s Custody Conference. It is an emotional kick in the gut to attend. This year was not as heartbreaking as past years though, I must say. I sensed a shift happening. Instead of seeing each story as an isolated incident, the mothers now understand that one story is everyone’s story, they understand that the Family Court system has been infiltrated by the other side. There are dirty judges, Guardian Ad Litems, custody evaluators, and court appointed therapists who do the most hideous of acts that can leave you scratching your head in sheer wonder.

Why are so many child rapists and abusers being granted sole custody of the children they torture? Why are an average of 58,000 children handed over to their rapists while their protective mothers (and some fathers) are held in contempt for trying to protect them? These questions seem absurd, don’t they? But when you have heard thousands of the stories as I have, you begin to see a pattern. This is not the story of some “angry divorcee” seeking revenge on his or her ex for dating younger. This is a systematic infiltration of perpetrators into the Family Court system with the sole purpose of owning and controlling children for their own sexual and financial gain. Yes, you heard me. Go rip the roofs off of every Family Court across America and you will begin to see a pattern of absurdity. The problem is that the court is closed to the public because it is a “family matter.” Oh really? Isn’t the protection of children all of our concern as a nation?

When the Guardian Ad Litems are meant to protect kids but suggest they be given to their abusive fathers instead, when Family Court judges rule that the abusive father is more stable and the mother is too emotional, when the court appointed therapists report that a bleeding anus (hate to be so crude but it’s true) “must have been caused by the child herself”, and when custody evaluators (with no real training) say that a “fractured skull and torn hymen are caused by normal child’s play” and the father’s access to the children is more important than the abuse – you begin to think you are in a movie about the Stepford Wives. You are! Why, you ask? Why?? Because they are making money on child rape and child porn! That’s why. They are trading kids, torturing kids, taking pictures and videos and they are making billions of dollars. Do you think if you were making billions of dollars that you would protect that outlet to money and infiltrate the system that gives you control of the children? It is not rocket science and it is not some crazy conspiracy theory – it is a system analyze. Watch it become uncovered in the next few years. Watch as more Family Court issues are kept out of Criminal Court where they belong. Watch as we Americans are kept further and further away from the inner workings of Family Court. Watch. But there will be a fight.

I’ve seen and heard these stories for years. I have shed the tears, crawled into a ball, wailed and stared at the horizon wondering what in the world can be done. What can be done when the protective mothers (and some fathers) are bled dry by legal bills and given no power to fight the beast? What can be done when people like myself who find out about it dedicate their time and energy to helping people to at least heal and then get hit with death threats? What can be done when the perpetrators’ organizations sue therapists and lawyers who are working to help the children? What can be done when the organizations posing to protect kids are actually facilitating the trafficking of them?

You catch them. You keep up the fight. You infiltrate right back. You protect your children. You become a warrior. You unite with others. You never give up.

I heard a few very inspiring stories this weekend – some I myself told to bring some joy and levity to the conference. One story I heard made me leap up in celebration. One of the little girls who had been wrenched away from her mother when she was four was at the conference. She is now 22 years old. She and her brother were handed over to her abusive father after the court order from the judge. She told us about how she fought back, begged and wailed that she didn’t want to go and that her father hurt them. The Guardian Ad Litem whispered, “I know” in her ear as he ripped her away from her mother to drive her to her father. Now she speaks out about the corruption of Family Court and how children are not being listened to. “If you didn’t listen to me when I was four, maybe you’ll listen to me now that I’m twenty-two.”

She told an amazing story about how her mother never lost faith and continued to research ways to protect her children. She had all of her paperwork in order from every filed petition to the court to every letter to her children. (Ladies, your paperwork is of supreme importance! And God bless you lawyers out there who work on these cases.) The mother was only allowed supervised visits since the father had been awarded full custody. During the visits the children would lift their shirts and show their mother the welts they had on their bodies from the beatings from their father only to have the visitation supervisor tell them that they were not allowed to do that and if they continued to do that they would not even be allowed to hug their mother. So the kids shut up and stopped showing the bruises but got to hug their mother. They would hug her and whisper pleas for her to come get them. They let their mother know that their father left them alone most of the time and they told her which days.

The mother made a plan. Then she got her kids and she fled the country. She sought and won asylum in Holland. They have lived there for 14 years now. The FBI found them 2 years ago and the mother was ordered back to the United States and forced to admit that she was in contempt of the court. This is what she said – “I admit to having contempt for the court that did not protect my children.” I love that woman.

Kidnapping is a crime and I am not advocating that the mothers do their research, get their paperwork in order, and do that. What I am saying is that you must know that you are dealing with an extremely corrupt system. PAS = Perpetrators Aligning Strategically

If the mothers run with their kids, since kidnapping is a crime, they will be tracked down by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. I know the National Center is supposed to be there to protect kids but when they see “kidnap” that’s all they see and then they lead the perps right to the children who are afraid of them. Kidnapping is a crime and so is murder.

The corruption runs deep and is so sickening that I have spoken about it for years – but I’m speaking to the choir. There are always perpetrators sent in to see what we say at these conferences. There are perps that read this newsletter too and come to hear me speak. I take it as a compliment – obviously I must be hitting a nerve.

"Whoso shall offend one of these little ones... it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea." - the Bible, Matthew Chapter 18

May you rapists crash and die as you drive your cars off cliffs.

Believe me I know all about the women who beat their husbands too and the women sociopaths who harass and abuse men. I’m not talking about those cases. I’m talking about the cesspool that is called the Family Court system.

To those in the system who are feeling so overwhelmed, alone, lost and frustrated – please let the story of the mother who got her kids to safety in Holland be a comfort and an inspiration. Another woman did the same in New Zealand btw. The charges were eventually dropped against the mother and her children are happy and healthy. Instead of breaking the law – do your research and get your paperwork in order and fight the system. We are not too far from the days when the gavel hit and we women were burned at the stake for nonsensical reasons. Women need to continue to bond and protect their children, and the good men need to keep coming forward and speaking out about this in the face of these non-human serpents who are getting rich by torturing children.

May all of you who are in the midst of the chaos have your pathways lit brightly, your pockets lined with money and food in your bellies as you work to protect kids. Thank you. Please order Wendy Murphy’s book – And Justice For Some to understand more about the system of dirty lawyers and judges.

Army of Angels Conference - March 2009

Get tickets to the first annual Army of Angels Conference this coming March!

My new play will be performed as well as the amazing one-woman-show "TOTALLY Kimleigh!"
Check out Kimleigh at http://www.totallykimleigh.com/

Assault Victim Turns Her Own Crisis Into a Cause

Article from Wendy Murphy

Wendy just sent this to me and I had to share.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT JIM

I'm sure it's nothing, but after Senator Jim Marzilli and Representative Jim Fagan made news for - what should I call it -- sadistic verbal lunacy -- (OK Marzilli got physical, too -- but stick with me here), I started looking at other Bay State "Jims" to see whether there isn't something about the name.

Turns out there might be a good reason to name the next bundle of joy Harry or Luke.

James "Jim" Fagan made international headlines after threatening to "ruin" child victims of sex abuse who testify against their abusers. He promised to attack even six year-olds with such ferocity, they wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep or have relationships for the rest of their lives.

James "Jim" Marzilli is under indictment for sexual assault and lewd behavior involving four women, and is accused of allegedly committing even more serious sex crimes against several other women.

Around the time Fagan and Marzilli were getting in trouble, a guy named James "Jim" Keown was convicted of murdering his wife by poisoning her with anti-freeze.

Days earlier, James "Jim" Brescia was convicted of murder for hiring a hit man to knock off his estranged wife's boyfriend.

James "Whitey" Bulger had a run of bad behavior that allegedly led to the murder of 17 people, all while working as an informant for the feds.

Pedophile priest James "Jim" Porter sexually abused over 200 children and was convicted of molesting 29 victims.

And let's not forget Orenthal "James" Simpson -- not from Massachusetts but worth mentioning not only because of his brutality and perverse ability to keep smiling as if he’s done nothing wrong, but also because he singlehandedly destroyed my ability to drink Orange Juice.

Of course, the number of men named Jim or James who've done great things for Massachusetts is certainly greater than the number of jerks, rapists and murderers who bring shame to the name.

For instance, we can lay claim to beloved musician and songwriter, James Taylor.

Then there's the famous painter James Whistler.

And renowned poet James Lowell.

And let's not forget Boston Mayor and Massachusetts Governor, James Michael Curley. (I know, I know -- he belongs on both lists).

My favorite ex-boss is named Jim and I have two dozen or more colleagues, relatives and friends named James or JIm who are terrific guys.

But after recent events involving the "bad Jims" in this state - I have to believe that a lot of new parents will find it difficult to name their new baby boy "James" for the same reason that I found it impossible to name my daughters "Britney" or my sons "Albert" (Desalvo) or "Charles" (Manson and Stuart).

Names are only labels, but we all know the way meeting someone new can evoke a feeling of either warmth or disgust when we hear that they have the name of someone we once knew, or someone famous.

I like the name Chuckie even though my kids think the name is scary. They saw a movie about a weird-looking doll of the same name that ran around killing people. I missed that film so the only feeling I get is warm and fuzzy because Chuckie was the name of my fourth-grade boyfriend. (assuming it counts as a boyfriend that we rode bikes together).

And come on – who doesn’t recoil when they meet a woman named “Lizzie” or a child named “Damien”?

And remember how we blushed when being introduced to someone named Monica during Bill Clinton’s impeachment proceedings?

Sure, a name is only a word – but it’s a word with great staying power – especially when it’s associated with very bad behavior.

So all apologies to the "good Jims" out there, but there's something strangely pleasant about the fact that two creeps named "James" were convicted of murder right after two members of the Massachusetts legislature with the same moniker went up in flames for their own vile conduct.

Call me superficial but I think it's fabulous - and a bit of poetic justice - that several stories of similarly-named horrible men in Massachusetts all occurred at the same time. As mnemonic devices go, it greatly increases the chance that when people hear about a murderer or rapist named James, they will become nauseous while also recalling images of Jim Fagan and Jim Marzilli.

How's that old song go? Thanks For the Memories...

Wendy J. Murphy
(copyright 2008)

Tonight in Seattle!

March 19th: Annual Rosie the Riveter Slam & Featured Performer Dorothy Lemoult

Open Mic, Featured Performer and the Annual Rosie the Riveter Slam:The 3rd Annual Rosie Slam is open to Women Only in honor of National Women’s History Month.
Email info@seattlepoetryslam.org for more info.
When screenwriter Angela Shelton set out to make a documentary country interviewing other women who shared her name, she was shocked to find that 70% had been victims of rape, childhood sexual assault and/or domestic violence. This surprising journey also led Angela to confront her own abusive past. The multi-award winning documentary that culminated has started a grassroots movement of survivors and humanitarian organizations around the world who are breaking the silence about the epidemic of abuse. Angela has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show, 48 Hours Investigates and an exclusive version of “Searching for Angela Shelton” aired on Lifetime TV in April 2006.
As part of a call to action for a healing revolution, actor and director and playwright Dorothy Lemoult will lead an all female cast in bringing several of Angela Shelton’s monologues to life as our feature for the evening.

WEDNESDAY MARCH 19TH AT TOST in Seattle!

Come out and support one of the Angels!

Report Sexual abuse! Report IT!

Click To Play

http://reportitnow.org/

Please fill out our ONLINE FORM. You can expose the sexual violence that happened to yourself or a friend or loved one if they are deceased or cannot speak for themselves. You can fill out the form anytime on or before April 29th. Thank you!

This IS NOT an official police report! We are using this form to show the vast numbers and want you to show up in person on Feb 19th and April 29th to your county courthouses!

Go to your country courthouse on Feb. 19th, 2008 for the Victims Rights Rally to launch the Report IT Campaign.

On April 1st, 2008 go to your local Barnes and Noble and meet other survivors when you buy Angela Shelton's book Finding Angela Shelton. Read the book, be inspired, and Report sexual violence that has happened to you or a loved one on our online form and get your friends to do that same. Start conversations! It is very likely that you know someone who has experienced sexual violence.

Go to your country courthouse on Angela Shelton Day, April 29th with everyone else to show that you are not alone!

Contact PAVE to get involved!! http://pavingtheway.net/

Think You've Had a Bad Day?

I've considered myself to have had a more challenging....well, lets just say rough start to the new year. Now don't worry---The Joy Campaign has been both a great kick in the pants, and a wonderful medicine for trying times. For that I am truly thankful. But the "message" I received this morning was unexpected jolt to reality.

I was pushing my shopping cart down the aisle at the Grocery Market down the street from my home. Most have probably been in the situation I was in themselves at one point. Where you aere making calculations in your head if you can afford everything in your basket, and what you can convince yourself you don't really want or need so you can put it back.

Then on the opposite end of the aisle from me, I saw her. A woman and her young daughter, probably about nine years old. Maybe because I am wired as a human, and that's what we do---or for some other more spiritual reason, I glanced at the woman's face. A fresh and painful looking bruise over her left eye.

Now, I believe it's the victim-mentality that lives in nearly all of us (and if it isn't now, it used to!) that has this dialouge with the logic in your head:

"Well, that doesn't mean she was beat up! She could have been smacked in the face by a door, or maybe has been in an automobile accident."

It was when I eavesdropped on the chatter of the child to her mother, that "its not what it looks like" idea was evicted.

"...When we get away from [Joe] and get our new apartment.."

Saying here that my heart sank just sounds poetic. I wish there was some way I could prove in my writing that my heart truly sank. Of course I fought the natural rescuer tendency in myself to want to approach her and say,

"Ma'am do you need help? Are you okay?

As Angela has shared, by and large we can't "rescue" people. Often it gets messy and people end up feeling violated, even though they so desperately wanted out of the desperate situation they were in in the first place. So, for natural "helpers" and "healers" like myself, it's a discipline in impulse control.

But we can allow our hearts to be broken for the pain of others. For many of us, this isn't far away from the same pain we felt at one point. We can be voices and speak for those that aren't strong enough yet to break their silence.

And when we think we are having a bad day, or "how will I ever get out of this mess?" Realize as I did, that in my case no one has beaten me today, yesterday or this month. I wasn't raped last night in my own bed. I don't have to walk around in public with the badge of others violence against me on my face. Almost more of an insult to my personhood that the first thing people will see of me is "victim".

Countless numbers of men and women woke up this morning not being able to claim that. It is sad that it seems to be a privilege to be a human being and not be victimized or abused. But sometimes that knowledge is the start that is needed to dig out of the pit of despair and that things will never change.

So, I know the next time I get caught in the negativity of a bad day, I am going to remember that anonymous woman and her child in the grocery store.

Break the Silence. Live Joyfully, Love Yourself, Love Others.

Family Court Crisis

The Center for Judicial Excellence has a new film!
Family Court Crisis: Our Children at Risk

It is a film about the systemic breakdown of our family courts!

Spread the word. People need to know about the truth.

PHOTOGRAPHY BOOK NEEDS PARTICIPANTS

Lorena Ros, an international award-winning photographer from Barcelona, is working on a book about survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

I know Lorena and she is awesome! Her photographs are beautiful. She is looking for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse to participate – the book will be a combination of photographs and survivors’ stories. Interested parties can visit her website to learn more: www.lorenaros.com

I have sent her a few of my survivor friends already - and if any of you are near Charleston, she is looking to be there in Feb to photograph more of you!

Ritual Abuse Survey

Below is a questionnaire  and announcement from Jeanne Sarson RN, BScN, MEd, and Linda MacDonald RN, BN, MEd, of Persons Against Ritual Abuse Torture.
There is a new research project on their site related to ritual abuse-torture and military connections. They are seeking persons who will share their victimization narratives that include details that some RAT perpetrators have military connections. Some ritual abuse-torturers have been identified as being veterans; some have been identified as being in active military service; and other RAT families/groups have been identified as having connections with military personnel, who for various reasons and benefits trafficked their children.
Information learned from these brief research questions can help suggest a common pattern of RAT victimization by perpetrators with military connections.
The questions are linked below:

http://pub25.bravenet.com/vote/vote/php?usernum=2120596064&cpv=2

www.ritualabusetorture.org

Helping others helps you heal

I have always been the kind of person that gets things done. I don't generally stand up and speak in front of people. But if you have a project that you need done then I am the girl for the job.

Recently, I took the Finding Angela Shelton Challenge! I have  been working non-stop on one project or another since I committed myself to doing this.

It has been the most rewarding and more importantly one of the most healing things I have ever done. I have come to realize that when you get busy trying to help others then you are healing yourself.

The next time you are stuck in a rut and you are desperate to do something about it then call or email 5 of your friends. Ask them how THEY are doing. You will get back what you give. If you want to really get active then call your local rape crisis center and volunteer your time.

We can change the world  if we band together.

What can I do to help?

The Finding Angela Shelton Challenge!

A big part of healing is breaking the silence. Often people say, "But I am just one person. No one listens to me. How is it possible that if I speak up I will make a difference?" 

Every voice counts...and we need you to help.

Finding Angela Shelton is an escape route and a call to healing - so what if it got into the hands of all survivors?-- How do you get this book to 39 million people via a grassroots movement? We stand together. We unite our numbers and support each other until each and every survivor has been reached.

Tell all your friends on myspace to add her at: http://www.myspace.com/findingangelashelton. Then talk to your local rape crisis centers, high schools, colleges,radio stations and even police departments.

Most importantly, order the book! You can now do that here: FINDING ANGELA SHELTON (click the title for link)

TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

PCAA Conference

Prevent Child Abuse America National Conference

Registration opens on January 7th


Click here for more information about the conference and registration!

Featured Speakers and Conference Highlights

Keynote Sessions include:

Dr. Martin Maldonado - "Infant Mental Health and Child Abuse Prevention"

Craig Zablocki - "Time Out for Parents"

"The Future of Child Abuse Prevention" - a diverse panel of experts moderated by Deborah Daro

"Leadership, Excellence and Volunteerism" - Lessons learned from 2008 winners of the Healthy Families America Service Excellence Awards, Donna J. Stone Award, and Parent Leadership Award.

Standout Sessions include:

Dr. Lawrence Wallack - "Media Advocacy: A Strategy for Activists"
Cordelia Anderson - "From Dr. Seuss to Pornography: A New Frontier for Primary Prevention"
Dr. Jeffrey Linkenbach - "The Science of the Positive: The Social Norms Approach"
Panel: "Bridging the Research-Practice Gap: HFA Past, Present, and Future"

Plus more than 100 workshops on a wide range of topics, including prevention of child sexual abuse, shaken baby syndrome, home visitation, family support, parent education, management issues, public policy, communications strategies, wellness, and more.

Same low registration rates as 2006! $310 per person Early Bird Registration through March 31, 2008. Registration opens January 7.

Celebrity Chef Special Event at the Milwaukee Public Market

A cooking demonstration presented by Chef Wynnie Stein, of the famed Moosewood Restaurant in Ithaca, New York, will spotlight a springtime menu of healthy family meals. For more than thirty-three years Moosewood Restaurant has been acclaimed as a driving force in the world of creative vegetarian cooking. They've been named one of the thirteen most influential restaurants of the 20th Century by Bon Appetit magazine.

Learn how to prevent child sexual abuse - Become a Stewards of Children facilitator

Bring the Darkness to Light Stewards of Children sexual abuse prevention program to your community---great for staff, volunteers, and parents! Facilitator Training January 30, 2008, in San Diego, CA. For more information and registration please go to the Darkness to Light website: www.d2l.org and click on "Storefront" and "Stewards Authorized Facilitator Workshop". Contact Julie Schneider at jschneider@d2l.org or 843-965-5444 with any questions.

Telling your story

I was doing some research tonight. I found a very powerful web-site that I wanted to share with all of you.

It is a program that the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault has recently added to their "Speak Up. Speak Out." Campaign.  It was started from a company called The Digital Story Telling Project based out of California. Their web address is http://www.storycenter.org/

The stories of the survivors that have recently taken part in this program are displayed at this web address: http://www.taasa.org/pac/digital_story.php

 

"Speak Up. Speak Out.: Digital Storytelling Videos
The power of survivors telling their own stories is unmatched. The videos were entirely written, directed and produced by seven courageous survivors and detail their stories of trauma and recovery. " quoted from TAASA.

When we band together we can heal ourselves, heal the world, and break the silence.

I’m afraid a little girl I know is being molested. I have no idea what to do. I have no proof, but I can see something in her eyes. Do I try to ......

I recommend that you go to the d2l.org - Darkness to Light- web site and download the 7 Steps to protecting our children, guiding responsible adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. This guide will tell you how to talk to adults about suspicion of abuse and where to go for help for reporting.

I encourage you to follow through on your "gut" feeling or intuition about this little girl. It is adults responsibility to protect all kids. Perhaps you are the only one that has this insight about this little girl, perhaps the only one that could possibly stand up for her.

If you would like more encouragement or confidence around reporting then you can take the Stewards of Children training online at the d2l.org web site. The Darkness to Light Stewards of Children is a prevention training program that educates adults to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse, and motivates them to courageous action. You can also see there if there are trainings being offered in your town.

I have facilitated this training for almost 3 years now. It is a really powerful tool to educate adults about the issue of CSA and prevention. I highly recommend it!

Thank you for noticing this little girl!