Free Meditation

http://freemeditation.us/

Better to learn to meditate and quite the mind than say anything negative to yourself ever again! Having good thoughts in your head about yourself and others is free and so is this site.

Healing Sex Gives Survivors the Confidence to Open Up

A great deal of survivors tend to have a difficult time with closeness with another person, finding themselves having to teach themselves boundaries and when any of us run into a little trouble and need help, there are shelves full of psychological insight, self help books, audio books, films and so on at our disposal. Healing Sex is a DVD that at first glance, you would think is just like the rest of the “self help” market, but once you watch it, it has the potential to really change your life and the way you look at intimacy.

Staci Haines has vast experience as a workshop leader and somatic practitioner and presents hands on exercises for you to practice either alone or with your partner for battling a lot of hurdles that survivors deal with when it comes to intimacy, such as disassociating during sex which I, as well as a great deal of survivors I speak with now have had problems with in our adult lives. Haines welcomes you into her workshops and one-on-one sessions and works with people to help them set boundaries in relationships and intimacy and teaches them how to express their desires, likes and dislikes. She gives us so much knowledge and draws upon her extensive experience to present educational and often triggering material in a comfortable and accessible way that will make you actually want to open up to your partner, now that you know how.

This DVD did wonders for me. I absolutely loved the way in which the material was presented and I especially loved that Haines doesn’t think, act or teach with the sense of false hope that she is a miracle worker. Healing from any kind of trauma takes a long time and a great deal of dedicated, hard work and the effects of childhood sexual assault have a tendency to follow survivors throughout their entire lives. This film shows you realistic ways to cope with your past and your present in terms of intimacy and overall relationships.

Drum for Life

I just met Christine Stevens from UpBeat Drum Circles and thought you would love her. For those of you dealing with the holiday headaches and heartaches check out her healing drum kit!

We should bring a few of those to the Army of Angels Conference in March! I'll add a video of this shortly but wanted to give you her site so you could check her out. She is going to Iraq in April for the 3rd time to do a healing drum circle. Wow.

How Acupuncture Can Help Survivors

Hello everyone!
My name is Krisztina Samu and I'm a student of Oriental Medicine on the Big Island of Hawaii. I've prepared a video interview for this blog that I hope you find helpful.

How Acupuncture Can Help Survivors

Oriental Medicine was so amazing in helping me and many others I know in regaining balance and harmony in our bodies and emotions that I've decided to study it and get the message out about how it can be particularly helpful in cases of trauma.

My website is still in the works, but you can email me from the website
Project AcuHope and keep checking back for more juicy, helpful info!
Many blessings to you all!
Krisztina

Mary Lemons

Click to Play

This is the social worker who saved me when I was 8. She is now a healer. I did an amazing session with her and I also got to meet one of her healing horses.

Donate

Stop Abusing Yourself and Dance!

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Donate

The 30 Day Finding Angela Shelton Journey!

Check out this amazing letter I received! It is from the 30 Day Finding Angela Shelton Journey. WOW!

Hi Angela Shelton.

What a ride! Today was my Day 30 on your Angela Shelton Journey. I can only begin to tell you how emotional the last 37 days have been for me. So many tears and emotions that some days I just couldn't click on the day's Journey email, and had to wait a day or two.

Thank you thank you thank you. Your program is truly inspired and a blessing from all that is good and loving and healing in the universe. Your messages are right-on, and your videos so intense, funny, and personal. I have learned SO much and still have work to do, but a shift in my healing has definitely taken place.

I thought I would share with you my Day 22 drawing of what joy would look like to me. This was done with markers on a file folder. I certainly wouldn't have felt this without your program, and the assignment gave me this light-hearted image of joy. I have kept it up where I see it many times each day, and it makes me smile every time, and lifts those old vibes up.

I will also share my Day 26 Mission Statement:

I am a beautiful entity, a divine spark of God who is on this planet to learn to love and to play and love and have fun. I pray to be a fountain of love to the world and to be a bright loving light to myself and therefore to others. I am joyous Jaye who exited the blame game.

Thank you for your work, from deep in my heart to you, and so much more than I can say right now.

Jaye

Survivor Manual TV!

Now we have a place where the videos pertaining to Survivor Manual are collected!
Survivor Manual TV!

Watch the video called Healing the Human Spirit and the one about Sam MacArthur. Those are awesome!

Rape Anniversary Reaction Transformation

As I watered my lavender plant yesterday, it occured to me: I will be 30 years old next year. Holy you-know-what, Batman! Musings begin swirling away, I think of all the fantastic things I have seen and experienced in almost 30 years on this planet. Lucky for me, I grew up surrounded by horses and dogs. I met and married my soul mate at 20. We made two gorgeous babies together. We have traveled, uncovered one another’s passions and dreams, and discovered a depth of emotion and spirit together and as individuals I can hardly verbalize. I have created beautiful art; paintings, collages, cards. The ultimate for me, for us, is the artful creation of blessed togetherness: a healthy family. This family is a far cry from my early experience.

This February is the 19 year anniversary of the rape I survived. I was 10 years old when I was kidnapped, taken to a motel in New Orleans, and raped in every way one can be, for three days. I was already being abused by my father, my rapist, since age 3. This was the culmination of his sexual and emotional abuse of me, his only daughter. As I ponder, I think to myself, What drove me internally to not only survive, but want to thrive? What moved me toward that thriving after such trauma? I inhale the scent of my pretty lavender plant, I realize I am just beginning to answer that.

After a person is traumatized at a particular time, the fallout tends to rain heaviest on that day from then on, therefore it is known as an “anniversary reaction”. In other words, anniversary reactions are a re-triggering or re-experiencing of a traumatic event that occurs because of a time cue. We tend to be “triggered’ automatically on these days. A trigger can be anything from a smell, to the time cue being the date of the event, the texture of the carpet you happen to be walking on, or the weather. Thriving can seem impossible during these storms. I have had many issues to contend with, anxiety, post traumatic stress, panic, what I say to myself in my head.

What amazes me most as I write this is that the further away from this experience I get time wise, the more I am able to comprehend the horror of it, and the more magnified my thriving becomes. There is something about a bigger and bigger chunk of time in the space between me and the rape that enables me to look directly at it. To feel more fully than ever the horror at a safe distance of 19 years away is very healing. It is as if the distance propagates a more (w)holistic viewpoint. Wholeness is my journey, my destination, and my purpose. Something within me has always known wholeness. Something within me recognized wholeness early on, that is why I believe I was able to see it in and feel it to begin with. I recognized it because it was already in me. Continuing to create a whole, soulful, healthy marriage and family is essential to me.

My father told me he loved me all the time, I think he believes he does. For years I searched through the ashes of his actions for some sliver of love. I made excuses for him, I felt sorry for him, I longed for him. What I longed for was an illusion, for he would have to be a completely different individual to be what I longed for. I learned that based on truth, love can not exist within rape. My father and his “love” are myths, myths I chased for many years. Myths that helped me survive childhood without going insane from grief, myths that led me into abusive relationships and adolescent drug use. I thought love was possession, that I needed to be possessed, owned, that love was vehemently staking claim unto me. All things my father did. I clung to those myths all the while knowing my heart of hearts they were not real.

Deep in my consciousness I knew, I could not be fooled, the truth was rooted too deeply, this was not love! Aristotelian philosophy has a word for this vital force that was directing me toward self-fulfillment, self love, actualization of my divine potential; entelechy. Entelechy is a particular type of motivation, a need for self-determination, and an inner strength directing life and growth to become all one is capable of being. It is the need to actualize one's beliefs. It is having a personal vision and being able to actualize that vision from within.
Jean Houston wrote:
"Entelechy is all about the possibilities encoded in each of us. For example it is the entelechy of an acorn to be an oak tree, of a baby to be a grown-up, of a popcorn kernel to be a fully popped entity, and of you and me to be God only knows what…" [Jean Houston, THE HERO AND THE GODDESS: THE ODYSSEY AS MYSTERY AND INITIATION, Ballantine Books, 1992, p. 62.]


Incest and rape made me think I surely had no future in this world, in my body, in my self. Yet, there was a tiny seedling I held in my heart. A spark lived even as my father raped me, and it was one of wanting, a vision of a vibrant future, filled with laughing children, stars and color, hearts that loved, hearts that mended, safe hands. This propelled me along fiercely, I never let it go. I came close a few times, but I did not let go. No matter what he took from me, what my mind and spirit held he could never take.


I am still healing, unfolding, dilating, birthing myself into wholeness. It is a process. He did what he did for years, culminating in this act of ultimate violence and betrayal, yet all the while I held on to my visions; bluebirds atop picket fences, mother and father in love, children who knew in the depths of their being that Mommy and Daddy are in love not only with them, but with one another. Children nurtured profoundly, and ferociously protected as a natural extension of our bond.

In this month of love, I may have a rape anniversary reaction, or a few, but I know what I know. I see what happened to me, not as if it were happening to someone else, but me, a child. A little girl biting a red stuffed worm bent over a bed in a dirty motel. It is real. It happened. That was me. That IS me. I also know that a father can not rape his daughter and love her too. He could not steal my entelechy, my innate light.

The day I saw my future husband, that divine spark lit up in total recognition, it was as if we both saw into a mirror for the first time, “Oh my God, I look into you, and you reflect to me my beauty and you look into me and I show you your own.” It was magnetic, it was absolute. It was visionary. Mere potential becoming actuality. It was the first time my healthy self took over completely. Day by day, we actualize more love, the ever beautiful unfolding of human love. That is the path love, reflecting a person’s true divine potential and loving them into actualizing it. In spite of being raped, the prevailing theme at this time is this divine love. If that isn't worth celebrating, I don't know what is.

Survivor Manual TV!

I added a tab to the TV page for "Survivor Manual".

There is a video up there of me doing a healing technique with Todd Brazee that is pretty awesome. It may make you cry though, so be warned. It is 25 min long.

Watch it on the Angela Shelton TV tab under "Survivor Manual".

Combating the Inner Critic

Realistically, we aren't going to heal and go through the rest of our lives without a bad day. Money is going to get tight, the kids are going to act up, people are going to be rude, and your computer is going to crash. What do you do when life hits you hard and it seems like there is no relief in site?

We all have voices inside of us. One of them is, what my therapist calls, the inner critic. That is the one that tells you that you are worthless and that you can not do anything right. We also have a voice (or light)  inside of us that knows that the world is not out to get us. The part of you that understands that you are not to blame for what others do or things that have been done to you.

Healing isn't about changing reality. It is about finding the voice inside of you that reinforces healthy thought patterns. For some of us that voice may be small and hard to find. For others that voice is easy to locate. The more that you strive to hear the good things your mind has to say the closer you will be to hearing that voice all the time.

When your inner critic starts to talk make a conscious effort to find your true voice. Look for the light inside of you. Breathe and listen to the positive things you already know about yourself. You don't have to believe them at first. Just look for them and repeat those positive things over and over until the inner critic gets a little quieter.  Taking the time to nurture the light inside of you helps you to realize your potential and leads you toward living a joyful life.

Affirmations

There is a lot of talk this week about remembering to take care of yourself during the holiday season. Some survivors don't even know what it means to care for themselves. The idea that their needs and feelings are important is a foreign concept. Healing is about taking baby steps toward the light that shines inside of you and then revealing your light to the world.

One of the first and most powerful things that you can do for yourself is to make sure your self talk isn't negative. We can all be our own worst enemies. I have found that self affirmations help me through some of my toughest times.

Yesterday I spoke to a friend about what kind of affirmations we use to keep us going. Here is a few:

• lipstick on the mirror that says, "I love you....squish!"
• putting a card in the mail to yourself
• using a mantra like, "I am special" or "I am beautiful"
• combating the negative thoughts with opposite affirmations like, "I am important" or "what I say/think/feel matters"

All of those things are true about you! You just have to take hold of it and make active steps toward believing that it is true. Whichever one you pick by using affirmations you are taking the first steps toward getting rid of that inner voice that tells you that you don't matter.

I am wishing all of you a happy and safe holiday season!

Remembering Yourself During the Holidays

We spend so much time during this season thinking of the wants and needs of others. We try to balance our obligations and our desires. This year, I have decided to do two things for myself.

1. I am sending myself a Christmas card! I am reminding myself that I am a lovable and valued person! (it's above... click to enlarge)

2. I am gifting to myself! Lots of people are using the paper and plastic this week to purchase, purchase, purchase! Yet, I am going to make something for myself. I think that oftentimes we forget to take care of ourselves, especially this time of year. So... I am creating coupons for myself to put in my stocking that I can "cash-in" if I feel overwhelmed or just REALLY want to enjoy my day off (-ha!) or need to take one. I am writing coupons for little things like a hot bath, an hour of meditation, a dinner for one, ice cream, a phone call to a friend I have neglected to keep in touch with, a cup of tea, or taking the time to pre-order Angela's new book (click to order).

3. Ok! So while writing this, I thought of a third thing. I am going to take my calendar and mark one day during each month in it that is going to be MINE to do what I want despite the desires of others... I think I just picked my New Year's Resolution!

Obligations to others AND to ourselves

Everyday I receive a an email that gives me something to think about. Often it is exactly what I need to to hear. I received this one this morning and felt that it is appropriate during the crazy holiday season that has snuck up us again. It all boils down to making sure you are taking care of yourself.

"We all encounter obligations in life, from spending time with family and friends to being present at important functions in the lives of the people who form our community. Many times, the obligations are actually fun and fulfilling, and we want to be there. At the same time, we all sometimes experience resistance to meeting these obligations, especially when they pile up all at once and we begin to feel exhausted, longing for nothing so much as a quiet evening at home. At times like these, we may want to say no but feel too guilty at the idea of not being there. Still, our primary obligation is to take care of ourselves, and if saying no to someone else is what we have to do, then we do not need to feel bad about it.
There is a skill to balancing our obligations, and it starts with simply becoming aware of our schedule. We may notice that three invitations have arisen in one weekend, and we know that we will pay energetically if we attempt to fulfill all three. At this point, we can take the time to weigh the repercussions of not going to each event, considering how we will feel if we miss it and how our absence might affect other people. Most of the time, it will be clear which obligation we can most easily let go and which one we simply can’t miss. Sometimes we have to miss something really important to us, and that can be painful for everyone concerned. At times like this, reaching out with a phone call, a thoughtful card, or a gift lets people know that you are there in spirit and that your absence is by no means a result of you not caring.
Meeting our obligations to others is an important part of being human and not one to take lightly. At the same time, we cannot meet every obligation without neglecting our primary duty to take care of ourselves. We can navigate this quandary by being conscious of what we choose to do and not do and by finding concrete ways to extend our caring when we are not able to be there in person." courtesy of www.dailyom.com

Helping others helps you heal

I have always been the kind of person that gets things done. I don't generally stand up and speak in front of people. But if you have a project that you need done then I am the girl for the job.

Recently, I took the Finding Angela Shelton Challenge! I have  been working non-stop on one project or another since I committed myself to doing this.

It has been the most rewarding and more importantly one of the most healing things I have ever done. I have come to realize that when you get busy trying to help others then you are healing yourself.

The next time you are stuck in a rut and you are desperate to do something about it then call or email 5 of your friends. Ask them how THEY are doing. You will get back what you give. If you want to really get active then call your local rape crisis center and volunteer your time.

We can change the world  if we band together.

Survivor Manual TV - Having Playtime!

Click To Play

This is when Dr. Alice (from the previous episode) teaches me about affirmations and playtime!

Try some playtime for homework! Nick Sherman is in the clip at the end - he was the editor of some of these clips. Gotta show off the crew! (You'll see Ophelia in a few of them from (Wo)Men Speak out as we move through all of these tapes!)

Breaking the Cycle

The most important book any survivor could ever read (it is also a work book) is Sandy Riggin´s book, Breaking the Cycle. Sandy´s web page is www.sandyriggin.com

Reading Sandy´s book helped me come to terms with the fact that I am really just a text book example of someone who was abused physically, emotionally and sexually as a child. And, furthermore, that there is nothing wrong with me, I am not crazy, stupid nor have I lost my mind. What a huge relief!! Sandy also puts forward some very important but simple exercises in her book that build on each other, slowly take you through what we need to go through to heal. I highly recommend it. You can use it on your own or take it to your therapist and ask them to help you work with it.

You can listen to an interview with Sandy here http://ethicalife.com/showsegment.asp?id=57

Survivor Manual TV - Kinesiology

Click To Play

This is when I went to Alice Grob and had Kinesiology and Chiropractic work done. http://kinesiology.com/

Dr. Alice is now in Manhattan Beach - DrAliceGrob@yahoo.com

Telling your story

I was doing some research tonight. I found a very powerful web-site that I wanted to share with all of you.

It is a program that the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault has recently added to their "Speak Up. Speak Out." Campaign.  It was started from a company called The Digital Story Telling Project based out of California. Their web address is http://www.storycenter.org/

The stories of the survivors that have recently taken part in this program are displayed at this web address: http://www.taasa.org/pac/digital_story.php

 

"Speak Up. Speak Out.: Digital Storytelling Videos
The power of survivors telling their own stories is unmatched. The videos were entirely written, directed and produced by seven courageous survivors and detail their stories of trauma and recovery. " quoted from TAASA.

When we band together we can heal ourselves, heal the world, and break the silence.

Books

If you are looking for a wonderful book on parenting.
GROWING UP AGAIN: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children By Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson. I first learned about this book and the work of Jean Illsley Clarke in Iceland a few years ago. I read it and felt so greatful ! As a survivor of childhood abuse, I found this an incredible tool to help me become a better parent and to provide myself the things that were not provided for me as a child. Having 3 kids today, I am faced with many feelings of not knowing how to deal or face all kinds of situations that parents are confronted with. This book gave me much hope and inspiration. It is not too late for me to parent my older kids or is it too late to parent myself. If you are a parent you must read this book, if you are a survivor of any type of abuse, you must read this book. Parenting my kids better than the way I was parented and healing myself is breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships in my family today and for generations to come.