Thursday, August 21, 2008

Irony Poster Boy

I believe they all think this.

PONTIAC, Michigan (AP) -- A 33-year-old man who authorities say wore a "World's Greatest Dad" T-shirt intending to have sex with someone he believed was a 14-year-old girl has been sentenced to three to 20 years in prison.

Daniel Everett's stepdaughter had given him the T-shirt, his wife's lawyer said.

Oakland County Circuit Judge Michael Warren issued the sentence Thursday for Daniel A. Everett.

Everett pleaded guilty Aug. 7 to child sexual abuse and using the Internet to attempt child sexual abuse.

Everett has been sued for divorce by his wife, Michelle. Her lawyer, Robert F. White, has said Daniel Everett's stepdaughter gave him the "World's Greatest Dad" shirt.

Defense attorney Deborah McKelvy did not immediately respond to a message seeking

Friday, August 15, 2008

Perps are people we know, love, and trust...

The new Darkness to Light public service announcements have caused quite a stir - you can read about it in a blog that Jesse Kornbluth just published on, the most influential blog in the world, according to The Guardian. To read it, click here.
If you have seen the PSAs, which were developed by Darkness to Light's media partner Young & Rubicam, you know that the campaign shows responsible-looking, middle-aged white men confessing that they're not just coaches or uncles --- they have a nasty secret, and it involves your kid. This is factually accurate: 90% of child sexual abuse incidents are most often perpetrated by someone known to the child and/or the child's family.

Viewers are outraged, and they should be ---
not at the PSAs, but at the reality of chlid sexual abuse. In the blog, Anne Lee, President and CEO of Darkness to Light, urges the public to turn anger into action --- to come to the site and start to learn how to recognize, prevent and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.

Since the spots began airing on CNN and Lifetime, visits to the Darkness to Light website have increased 200% in the past 2 weeks! that's the power of media!

Please go on that blog and comment!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

There is Justice Somewhere in the World...


I've always wanted to go to South Africa.....

The Grahamstown High Court sentenced a man who raped a seven-year-old girl last year to life in prison on Friday.

Judge Bonisile Sandi told Nonkwenke Sothuko 55, of Klipfontein farm, Jamestown, that he could find no substantial or compelling circumstances that would allow him to deviate from the prescribed life sentence.

"A life sentence would be both a just sentence and an appropriate one in this matter," said Sandi.
Sothuko had earlier pleaded guilty raping the girl on a neighbouring farm on July 12, 2007.

In his plea explanation he claimed he "was overcome by his sexual urges, grabbed the girl, threw her onto the ground next to a fowl run and raped her.

"I am extremely remorseful for my actions and I don't know what came over me. I have never before transgressed the law," he said.

But Sandi said the case had extremely aggravating features.

"She was only seven years old and the accused was known to her as 'Oupa' and she trusted him. Her injuries were serious and the evidence of the clinical psychologist is the girl has been severely damaged by the rape incident.

"State advocate Thembela Jikela has said he (the accused) had no option but to plead guilty, because members of the community saw him on top of the girl and pulled him off her."

Isi-Xhosa-speaking clinical psychologist Karen Andrews earlier told the court the girl "had developed an overwhelming fear of all men and ran away in terror whenever one approached her".

"The girl now suffers from enuresis (bedwetting) and has been further confused by the beating she was given by a woman after she had been raped.

"She displays symptoms of hyperarousal, intrusion and constriction (powerlessness), as a result of the psychological and emotional trauma of being raped.

"These are highly consistent with symptoms typically found in children who are traumatised as a consequence of sexual assault. [S]he is likely to experience the long-term symptoms of constriction which will have a pervasive and negative life-changing impact on her," said Andrews.

Sothuko's Legal Aid Board-appointed lawyer Alan de Jager said he would appeal the sentence on the grounds that it was "harsh and unjust" and the accused could be rehabilitated. - Sapa


Friday, August 1, 2008

Letting Go of Toxic Friends

This is a picture of one of my beautiful non toxic friends, Mariclaire. I just got out of one of these relationships-I put up with ridiculous bullshit for 2 years. I do not want anyone else to put themselves through that to try and savesomeone from themselves. People have to want to heal, period.
I feel like this is such an important issue for survivors. Love S

Detoxifying Toxic Friendships as seen on Divine Caroline dot com.
Detoxing is not just for rehabbed celebutantes, no no no. Now, no relationship is perfect. Relationships are indeed complex and dynamic. But toxic friendships exist whether we like it or not. Toxic friends engage in a pattern of sliming us with their toxicity. Toxic people are very adept. You know the ones of which I speak—she is the one who doesn’t do anything too blatant and egregious. That way, you can’t actually call them out on it. Most of the time that is. Sometimes they do, and you take them to task, asserting yourself, only to watch as nothing changes.If you find yourself in a relationship that begins to feel, or has always felt, too intense, too draining, too yucky, it maybe time to cut the cord. “‘Toxic friend’ is pop psychology,” says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills, Calif. “I would say it’s someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you—sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they’re not very good for you.” They are psychic vampires. Toxic friendships wreak havoc on one’s personal sense of well being and peace. A toxic person can be described in many ways: that “friend” who is always negative, always critical, the one who after you have spent any amount of time with leaves you feeling drained. She thrives on drama. She talks about others, how stupid they are, and she giddily expresses happiness at other’s misfortune. She talks at great length about how much money she and her spouse make … every single time you talk. You have problems—which she claims to want to hear about—but it always magically ends up being about her problems. She accuses you of not caring when she is the one behaving in an uncaring manner. In other words, she projects her flaws on to you. She tries to manipulate you.Toxic people always have a complaint about something, with the world; they carry a grudge about everything. Toxic friends can constantly disappoint you or break promises. This is usually the result of childhood wounding. We usually put up with this crap for the same reason. Enough. It is time to emancipate ourselves from the need to fix or rescue people. This can be incredibly difficult for those of us who were brought up in unstable homes with parents we had to parent rather than us being parented. The real question is—why do we put up with this nonsense, especially as women?
Why do we allow people to exist in our lives when they do nothing but bring us down? We feel we have to, we do not want to make others angry, and we do not want to be judged. If we no longer “play the game,” the toxic friend will seek out others to prop themselves upon. Love yourself and put your needs first. This friend will find another target in order to prop up her own fragile ego.Friends should lift us up, leaving us feeling happy and at peace after interacting with them. Their care feels evident and sincere. A primary element in a healthy, positive friendship is that both friends can feel that they can be themselves; they don’t have to put on masks or impress one another. One key in healthy relationships is reciprocity. Reciprocity is about balance. Are you always the giver and never given to? We need to exchange the right amount of affection, attention, and care for relationship harmony to prevail. Does your friend reciprocate in your friendship? I have a wonderful friend, Mariclaire, who never fails to complement me on things, whether it be my mothering, my creativity, my marriage, or my ass in a new pair of Seven jeans. I have never sensed one iota of competition with her. I reciprocate with her as well. Even on the ass compliments! She has a great one! All joking aside, Mariclaire, or MC as I call her, is also a fantastic mother, wife, and friend.
Setting boundaries is essential. Don’t answer the phone. Sometimes we need to talk it out. Try asking “And why do you think that?” or “Do I really need this from you?” This may make them stop and think, and it shores up your self respect. Sometimes it seems we try to no end to express our feelings only to see no results. That’s because people must change themselves; nothing we say or do can alter another person. Just because you have a history with someone, that doesn’t mean you have to repeat it. If you feel as if you can not share your joy with a “friend,” ask yourself why. Are you afraid it will make them jealous? Angry? Is it visibly obvious? Do they get defensive or pseudo-excited? This is not friendship, but an attachment, a fantasy, an illusion of bonding. It is not healthy.
Many women have an excruciating time extricating ourselves from these relationships. These include: women who like to feel needed, people who feel like they do not deserve a healthier, saner, more balanced relationship, women who are stuck—either feeling angry, guilty, or sorry for their distressing “friend.” Detoxing is the way to clean ourselves out. Think of it as relationship Feng Shui—the idea is to purge the clutter. We do not have to fix or rescue or tolerate the shenanigans of these desperate people. Have compassion, but also for yourself, and with some people, have all compassion you want, from afar. Do not become enmeshed. Declare your independence.Take a Toxicity Inventory about your friend. Is her life full of chaos and negativity and even at times downright maliciousness toward others? Suggest professional help. A toxic friend might need a professional. If she comes from an abusive background, she definitely does. Her toxicity will affect her career, emotions, and family, though she’ll most likely never admit it. How can you approach this touchy subject? Point out to your friend how she is treating you and ask her to stop, and if she continues, take it to the next level. Say to her, “I know you are a good person, but maybe you want to seek help.” If you have tried this to no avail, throw in the towel.If we have a friend who is always in need, always in crisis, always attempting to one up us, who is toxic, it is time to detox. You can say, simply, “I have changed and wish to end this friendship as it has become painful and draining to me.” By standing up to pseudo-friends, in reality you are losing nothing and gaining self-esteem, self respect. Once we get past the illusion of this friendship, we can see that we are losing, yes. What we are losing a whole lot of pain. Decide to surround yourself with positive feminine energy; you will be much happier for it.My mantra for this issue is this: Alice Walker says:
No person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended. Amen, Awomen.
Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple, has written fiction about African American women's experience. Alice Walker has also been an activist on environmental, feminist, and womanist causes, as well as working for racial and economic justice.